WARNING: THIS POST USES SECOND GRADER VOCABULARY TO DESCRIBE SERIOUS BODILY FUNCTIONS AND MAY NOT BE FOR THE SQUEEMISH OR MATURE.
This post is for Kenny as he wanted to know a little more about the kidney stone experience.
Starting around Wednesday January 18th I started feeling like I had to pee every five minutes, but could only muster a dribble. I figured I was dehydrated so I started pounding water. It helped for the dribble thing, but then I never felt like my bladder was really empty after I’d go. Even after I’d peed a very large volume. I looked up some possibilities on the net and I wasn’t having any pain so I ruled out kidney stones and figured I’d go to the doctor if it didn’t clear up by Friday. I was thinking maybe I was a young guy with a 70-year-old’s prostate.
On Friday I was pulling into my parking lot at work when the left side of my back and stomach felt like it stopped working or something. Kind of like a very intense running cramp. I felt like I couldn’t breathe properly and on the verge of passing out. My first thought was maybe it was a cramp due to my IBS, but I’d never felt one like that before. I then thought about my appendix, and decided to get the hell off of Kiawah and to a doctor.
The drive home was horrible, but by the time I got there most of the abdominal pain had stopped. I got up to pee and had to try very hard to get any results. Jessica drove me to Summerville to see my doctor. I urinated in the cup and they told me that I had a high amount of blood in my urine. My doctor figured that since the pain was gone and I had forced that last pee before coming to the doctor that I had a kidney stone and had passed it before I came in.
She scheduled a test at the hospital for Monday just in case. Well, before I left the office, a nurse came out and said to scratch Monday that they could take me right away. I had two thingies of dye injected into my veins to contrast the x-rays of my kidneys. They used two because they said I had unusually large kidneys. After what seemed like 8 hours (actually lasted 2) with my bare ass on a cold x-ray table I was released. They said the preliminary results looked like I was in the clear. I figured the doctor must’ve been correct in assuming I’d already passed a stone.
Saturday morning I woke up and went to the guest bathroom to make bears. Well, I started to pee like a little girly man while sitting there and suddenly it felt like a 12 sided dungeons and dragons razor the size of a freight train blasted out of my no-no. Amazed at this pain and a little shocked I felt it again! I took a few deep breaths then got up. Sure enough there were two small stones with what looked like sand glued to them sitting in the bottom of the crap hopper. I’m glad I was sitting down. I didn’t actually make any bears until much later that day – fyi.
So, I’ve been told to go light on the salads and dairy and drink a lot of water and cranberry juice. Also said to stay away from beer and diet soda.
There you have it Kenny. They hurt and I don’t want to do it again.
